I’ve spent 2 years trying to love someone who I could never actually be with. Today I turned to him and said “it’s almost been 2 years but it feels like were almost 80.” I’ve seen every side of him, some that I hope no one will ever see and I’ve still loved him. Through every good time and every bad, we loved each other through it, but we’ve also ripped each other’s hearts out along the way. We are both going to be scarred for the rest of our lives but we knew that from the moment we met. Today when he kissed me I stopped him and told him I felt nothing. I wasn’t numb or confused. I just have gotten so used to the pain of these scars that I could not feel any more satisfaction from his lips. When I pushed him away time after time I think he finally realized; I’m finally ready to actually move on. I can’t take his force anymore. I’m not capable of being the one he runs to when his girl is fast asleep or the person who feels all his frustrations through old bed sheets. I’m not his anymore and I can no longer love him because I’m finally falling for some place else.

He can tell everyone that I’m crazy or whatever he would like, but the true story is he can’t control me anymore and that’s what helps me sleep tonight.